Specialist Counsellor CCSA

• Business • Relationships • Sport • Youth ...on all facets of life

A POSITIVE THOUGHT

We are surrounded with negativity and moaning and groaning, so let’s turn the month of March into a positive month.

When I wake up in the morning and I am breathing that is my plus for the day, then I acknowledge where my strength comes from and give thanks. I then say good morning to my darling, special wife and am then ready for the day.

I heard someone once say that today is not a dress rehearsal it is the real thing,

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A TOUCH OF RESPECT

When you and your partner are together in the company of friends and others, and you are telling a story about your partner, do you use their name or do you just refer to them as he or she?

Now this to me this is height of rudeness. You can use he or she if you have introduced the story with your partner’s name first. If anything it shows respect toward your partner.   

Think about this and try it the next time you are in conversation.

BASE (Home)

BASE  The Oxford dictionary explains  (A Supporting part of anything, 

Now this is an amazing way to explain base today I would like to turn base into home.

I don't care who you are but, we need our home to be a solid place where we can come home and find love and care and a place to rest.  Its not a place where one person takes care of the rest, every person/ partner have to play their part so everybody can come away feeling refreshed, and ready for the day.  

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Hugging

Most of us have some type of difficulties in expressing ourselves or we just don't share our feelings enough with the people close to us. Often it's all because our western culture has this peculiar way to emphasize solidness and individualism in our behavior. One way to enrich communication, and at the side the best and sometimes even the worst parts of our lives, is hugging.

Hugging is one of the most complex and many sided ways of communication.

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IS YOUR PARTNER AND FAMILY IMPORTANT?

VERY SHORT, MOST EFFECTIVE AND HOW TRUE...  

30 second Speech by Bryan Dyson (CEO of Coca Cola)  

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you're keeping all of these in the Air.  

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.

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IT IS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

I am very perturbed when I read the newspapers but more so the gossip magazines. One week you see a well known celebrity and the love of his/her life getting married, and then, a year later their marriage is almost over, almost wiped out. People that you admired and looked up to, you suddenly find out they have been divorced for a while.

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NEWS FLASH(INCOMPATIBLE)

In the last couple of months I have been made aware of how much trouble the marriages  and relationships are really in.  Many of the couples I see seem to be in such a dead lock of disappointment, anger and mistrust, then frustration sets in and then comes that dreaded word that I really dislike and it is Incompatible.

The Oxford Dictionary explains it as: 1. Incapable of living or existing together in harmony: conflicting. 2. Opposed in nature or quality: inconsistent. WOW!! what impressive English words explaining what? Absolutely nothing,

It has become an escape hatch. When love was in the air and sex was good and new ground was being established the word ‘Incompatible’ was nowhere to be found.  It was just plain WOW!  Hey guys or girls this is it I found my partner!   Let me say that sex has no foundation to build a love relationship from so, after one day, two days, two weeks or a couple of months that so called wonderful sex  will start  to dwindle and doubt will set in and at about this time it is over. (Let me say that I am not opposed to sex I think it is a wonderful experience, in fact, marvelous if love is already establish and a strong foundation has been set then sex is the rounding off of true love.

Let’s get back to this ‘escape hatch or fire escape’ word ‘Incompatible’ that is exactly what this word is.  When there is trouble and the relationship is in trouble without trying to work it out the couple just have no fight left, so into play comes ‘we are Incompatible’ and everybody buys it, even the court, and the judge says because of this you are divorced!! 

I think we have to start respecting our partners.  Being in a relationship or marriage is a gift, a privilege. To have someone to share their life with, to love, care and be there for you no matter what.  That means when we speak to each other we need to do it with respect and love, and when we are angry we need to guard our mouth and language that we don’t say things that are hurtful and throw abusive words at each other and then a little while later we want to be intimate.  This is where hatred and resentment comes from.  It is like taking a  feather pillow, cutting a hole in it and shaking it into the wind and when all the feathers are out you decide you want them back  Let me say that this is impossible so be very careful what you say to each other because you can not retract  hateful words.

 In every couple there is one that says sorry and one that doesn’t one that will easily say thanks and one that doesn’t, one that likes to be touched and hugged and cuddled and is very sensitive and the other one doesn’t need to be touched cuddled or hugged as much as their partner and isn’t as sensitive.  This is why it is so important to know your own personality and your partner’s personality so that you can understand each other better and hold each other accountable without feeling threatened or misunderstood.

Our privilege as couples is that we can laugh together or cry together, have fun or be sad together and share that gift that comes from loving couples.      

My next blog will be the last one on dating in relationship (Hugging).

FROM THE RELATIONSHIP WATCHDOG REGARDS WILLY

Taking Stock

Do not make resolutions for you and your partner, concentrate on taking stock of the past year or month and admit where you went wrong.  Then plan on how you can improve together in making each other happy in the new year or month.

  • Admit your mistakes               
  • Listen to each other
  • Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
  • Don’t ever go to sleep angry with each other
  • Let love rule the home and let love lead in all areas of your lives.  Love each other no matter what. Is that not why you got together in the first place??

THE PPP PROBLEM SOLVER

THE

   P P P   

                Problem Solver.            

One of the most heart wrenching things that I see and hear about in relationships is when a couple have a disagreement they immediately attack the first two P P’s  [which is Personality and Person] the war really begins. It reminds me of  the movie [War of the Roses]

We now enter into calling each other names and bringing up character flaws.  Families get dragged in and each others past is flaunted and on and on this goes.  Let me say that this is not just restricted to couples but brothers and sisters, friends, employers, employees or anybody with a personality or that is a person.

Now comes the reality of my problem solver.  While the Personality or the Person is being attack ed the third P [the real Problem] is standing on one side watching this incredible debacle taking place and it is not being addressed.  Now this is where the whole thing goes wrong!  By now the couple that are involved in this argument are so hurt, disgusted and disappointed with each other it feels like their  hearts are broken. 

Here is my point, the third P, Mr. Problem, or the Problem is standing on the side and saying “guys what are you doing? I am the problem, I am the one that caused this argument but I am not being touched or addressed” and he is waving his arms in despair and is saying “why didn’t you address me and sort me out so you can get on with your relationship and life?”  Instead you took on the innocent two PP’s and left the third P the real Problem alone.

In closing let me say if there is a disagreement Please don’t take on the Person or the Personality because you are taking on some one special and unique, but go for the Problem and sort it out once and for all.                                                          

 

From: The Relationship Watchdog  WILLY            

THE WHIRPOOL OF LOVE

 

Something that bothers me, and I see it all the time, is the “cooling off” in relationships. Couples are so in love, they get married and everything is wonderful – until they get into their home, work and spare-time routines.

Then they start getting cool towards each other – “Oh, don’t worry we still love each other. I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t.”

This is where I think the problem arises: The love-making was so exciting and thrilling in the beginning. All that long mouth-watering kissing and exciting hugging slowly starts to disappear and then it becomes just plain old sex.

You see, we don’t need or rather, don’t have time for long lovemaking sessions anymore. Just a quickie and that will keep us going for a while.

This is a very interesting subject. I believe that when couples first meet, and either party’s eyes temporarily pop out of their heads, it’s amazing what goes on in their mind. Most of the time it’s “Wow, I’ve never met anybody as amazing as this!”

The introduction is often so sexually orientated, that people build on the sexual for the first while and it is fantastic – Oh boy, never have we been so in love until we’ve tasted of the fruit.

Now finally, here is my point - Because sex plays such a big part in the beginning of a relationship, everybody thinks it is a foundation.

Sex is never a foundation and although it plays a large part in relationships, it is not, and never will be a foundation for long term relationships.

The first thing that goes when there is pressure in a relationship is sex, but if there was good lovemaking involved, it might have stood the test better. What am I trying to say? Well, I believe we have to get back to some real good intimacy and not just sex, but real true intimacy and communication.

I have discovered that one of the true commodities of intimacy is what I call the touch therapy. I like to say that you must be in Contact to stay in Touch.

What I have seen and heard from a lot of couples, is that in the beginning of their relationship, there was a lot of touching and touch contact, holding hands and some nice long hugs, without ending up in bed, but with some nice secure solid feelings.

Unfortunately in some cases, one night in bed and one of the partners gets a little hot. They tell their partner, and the result is they stop sleeping close together. That is when the subconscious touch starts disappearing and that means the couples lose touch.

Have you ever noticed how touchy people really are, and I don’t mean “moody” touchy, but “contact”

touchy?

People, in general, love to touch and be touched and once again, I am not just talking sexually, but just about real good touching the partner you really love and want to be in touch with at all times.

Louis Luyt said in his Autobiography after one of his many stressful meetings: “All the way back to Johannesburg, Adri and I were mostly silent, immersed in our own thoughts, and holding hands as we often do when in need of each other’s strength.”

Another reason couples lose touch is unresolved issues. Even the Good Book says you must not let the sun go down on your anger. When you are angry with your partner and you haven’t dealt with the issue it, will stop you being in touch.

So my advice is, if you have lost the touch therapy, deal with those unresolved issues.

I’m always amazed when I speak to a couple about being in touch or being romantic, the male invariably will say “well, I have never been romantic. Ask my mother or my sister or the people that know me well.”

I say absolute rubbish! And again, rubbish! Every time somebody has told me this, I have spoken to people close to him or her, and each time I hear a different story. I found they were quite romantic. Alternatively, I have seen them divorce, find a new partner - and the “romantic” has forgotten what he said and become quite lovey-dovey. Until he decides he has had enough and starts saying again that he has never been romantic.

from: The relationship Watchdog. WILLY

 P. S. If you want to write to me personally About my blog E- mail me @ This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

WHY LOVE PROMISES

The reason I chose the title Love Promises is Love calms anger and can bring peace, Love gives hope when there is despair, and when a couple has no more answers let love take over and bring in some past memories when there was plenty of silly love laughter and joy no matter how much pressure there was always Love for each other that kept you going.

My Love promise is to give you, as couples, the opportunity to learn how to speak the  Love  Language to each other at all times.

Here are a few tips on how to enhance your relationship:

Never stop holding hands, for when you don’t have words holding hands is a language that speaks to the soul.

Never stop kissing as that holds a high place when a couple first meet but, seems to disappear after a while and we start pecking each other on the cheek or on the head as we go past.  The Oxford University did a study on kissing some years ago and the result was more happens to your body with a passionate than twenty minutes of rigorous exercise. That tells me that kissing is very important.

From the relationship watchdog. Willy

Contact Details

Willy Conradie direct:
083 277 5571
 info@willyconradie.co.za

Appointments:
081 2876 725
pat@willyconradie.co.za

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