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Something that bothers me, and I see it all the time, is the “cooling off” in relationships. Couples are so in love, they get married and everything is wonderful – until they get into their home, work and spare-time routines.

Then they start getting cool towards each other – “Oh, don’t worry we still love each other. I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t.”

This is where I think the problem arises: The love-making was so exciting and thrilling in the beginning. All that long mouth-watering kissing and exciting hugging slowly starts to disappear and then it becomes just plain old sex.

You see, we don’t need or rather, don’t have time for long lovemaking sessions anymore. Just a quickie and that will keep us going for a while.

This is a very interesting subject. I believe that when couples first meet, and either party’s eyes temporarily pop out of their heads, it’s amazing what goes on in their mind. Most of the time it’s “Wow, I’ve never met anybody as amazing as this!”

The introduction is often so sexually orientated, that people build on the sexual for the first while and it is fantastic – Oh boy, never have we been so in love until we’ve tasted of the fruit.

Now finally, here is my point – Because sex plays such a big part in the beginning of a relationship, everybody thinks it is a foundation.

Sex is never a foundation and although it plays a large part in relationships, it is not, and never will be a foundation for long term relationships.

The first thing that goes when there is pressure in a relationship is sex, but if there was good lovemaking involved, it might have stood the test better. What am I trying to say? Well, I believe we have to get back to some real good intimacy and not just sex, but real true intimacy and communication.

I have discovered that one of the true commodities of intimacy is what I call the touch therapy. I like to say that you must be in Contact to stay in Touch.

What I have seen and heard from a lot of couples, is that in the beginning of their relationship, there was a lot of touching and touch contact, holding hands and some nice long hugs, without ending up in bed, but with some nice secure solid feelings.

Unfortunately in some cases, one night in bed and one of the partners gets a little hot. They tell their partner, and the result is they stop sleeping close together. That is when the subconscious touch starts disappearing and that means the couples lose touch.

Have you ever noticed how touchy people really are, and I don’t mean “moody” touchy, but “contact”

touchy?

People, in general, love to touch and be touched and once again, I am not just talking sexually, but just about real good touching the partner you really love and want to be in touch with at all times.

Louis Luyt said in his Autobiography after one of his many stressful meetings: “All the way back to Johannesburg, Adri and I were mostly silent, immersed in our own thoughts, and holding hands as we often do when in need of each other’s strength.”

Another reason couples lose touch is unresolved issues. Even the Good Book says you must not let the sun go down on your anger. When you are angry with your partner and you haven’t dealt with the issue it, will stop you being in touch.

So my advice is, if you have lost the touch therapy, deal with those unresolved issues.

I’m always amazed when I speak to a couple about being in touch or being romantic, the male invariably will say “well, I have never been romantic. Ask my mother or my sister or the people that know me well.”

I say absolute rubbish! And again, rubbish! Every time somebody has told me this, I have spoken to people close to him or her, and each time I hear a different story. I found they were quite romantic. Alternatively, I have seen them divorce, find a new partner – and the “romantic” has forgotten what he said and become quite lovey-dovey. Until he decides he has had enough and starts saying again that he has never been romantic.

from: The relationship Watchdog. WILLY

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