Through the years of counseling I have noticed that one of the first things that disappear in relationships is kissing.  Some years ago I woke up one morning and asked my wife what was missing in our marriage, something we used to do and don’t do anymore with surprise she said “I don’t know.”  Well I said I don’t either but I will find out.  About three weeks later I got out of bed and went down the passage and then it clicked, I went back to the room and said “I know! when did we stop kissing good morning? and Pat said “I don’t know”  but we both realized that we had stopped kissing good morning. 

Now I know the morning is not really the time to give a open mouth kiss but you can give a closed mouth kiss and a hug, after all, you have just spent the night together and this is a kiss and a hug of appreciation for being able to share the relationship and night together. This is your partner and lover after all!!     

Kiss more, and kiss longer.  That’s what some researchers are advising as the health benefits of kissing are revealed.

Matthew Messina, DDS, a dentist and consumer advisor for the American Dental Association,  says the extra saliva produced during kissing washes bacteria off your teeth, which can help break down oral plaque. Bryant Stamford, PhD, director of the health promotion center at the University of Louisville notes kissing can help you lose calories. “During a really, really passionate kiss,” he says, “you might lose two calories a minute – double your metabolic rate.” Others claim that kissing exercises the facial muscles.

Stress relief is another health benefit of kissing. Psychologist Joy Davidson, PhD, likens kissing to meditation. “It stops the buzz in your mind, it quells anxiety, and it heightens the experience of being present in the moment. It actually produces a lot of the physiological changes that meditation produces,” she says.  The fact that kissing leads to touching is also a good thing.  Touching and massaging release oxytocin, a hormone known to have a calming effect on the body.

Source: Soundmedicine

WebMD explains many of the physiological effects kissing can have on the body, from boosting immunity to burning calories.

The Top 10 Health Benefits of Kissing…

Have been documented in medical studies offering amazing advantages for a long and healthy life.

1. Those who kiss their partner goodbye each morning live five years longer than those who don’t.
2. Kissing is great for self-esteem. It makes you feel appreciated and helps your state of mind.
3. Kissing burns calories, 2-3 calories a minute and can double your metabolic rate. Research claims that three passionate kisses a day (at least lasting 20 seconds each) will cause you to loose an entire extra pound! It’s time to start that kissing diet!
4. Kissing is a known stress-reliever. Passionate kissing relieves tension, reduces negative energy and produces a sense of well being, lowering your cortisol ‘stress’ hormone.
5. Kissing uses 30 facial muscles and it helps keep the facial muscles tight, preventing baggy cheeks! The tension in the muscles caused by a passionate kiss helps smooth the skin and increases the circulation.
6. Kissing is good for the heart, as it creates an adrenaline which causes your heart to pump more blood around your body. Frequent kissing has scientifically been proven to stabilize cardiovascular activity, decrease blood pressure and cholesterol.
7. Those who kiss quite frequently are less likely to suffer from stomach, bladder and blood infections.
8. During a kiss, natural antibiotics are secreted in the saliva. Also, the saliva contains a type of anesthetic that helps relieve pain.
9. Kissing reduces anxiety and stops the ‘noise’ in your mind. It increases the levels of oxytocin, an extremely calming hormone that produces a feeling of peace.
10. The endorphins produced by kissing are 200 times more powerful than morphine.

       I hope these kissing tips are useful so please start kissing again and fall in love again       
        and start your romance all over again. It is fun!!!!

        There is numerous sites on Kissing keep searching.(bestkisses@gmail.com)

        I will talk about hugging in my next blog

         FROM: THE RELATIONSHIP WATCHDOG – WILLY     

 One of the areas where couples fail is the way that they talk to each other with no respect, it seems as though they are always in cross mode or just plain angry with each other.  My question is “how do you get intimate with your partner with this type of mind set?”

(1)   We go into the relationship with lots of love and then  turn it into a business deal in you do that and I do this so if one of us does not do our job the other partner can complain, instead of being a team. ‘Team work’ means we ‘work together’ as a team and where one is weak the other one in strong.

(2)   How much romance is in a couple’s planning?  From what I can see in couples, very little. Patsy and I made a decision nearly 35 years ago that I believe has helped our relationship tremendously, and that was, that we went out one night a week on a date, just to be alone and concentrate on each other.  I don’t believe anyone can relax at home because there is always something that needs your or your partner’s attention.  Plan romantic weekends away and surprise each other every now and then with a special romantic surprise.   

(3)   I am going to address one of the subjects that I am very passionate about and that is, Holding hands.

The dictionary describes it as:

A promise or pledge, as of marriage: He asked for her hand in marriage.

  Hold hands, to join hands with another person as a token of affection: They have

been seen holding hands in public.

I am amazed at how few couples hold hands these days!

I believe that when you are stressed or worried there is therapy in holding hands without one saying a word because I believe that when you hold hands there is an  unspoken communication.

In Louis Luyt’s Autobiography he said that when he came out from a very strenuous meeting he would get into the back seat of his car next to his wife and just hold her  hand and without saying a word they would draw strength from each other..

There is so many opportunities for couples to hold hands but, they don’t use it and the reason is that they don’t understand how important this act is.  Your partner is the most important person in your life, or at least should be, and you have the privilege to walk down the street and hold his or her hand.  What a privilege.

Holding hands often is a sign of security, comfort, trust and closeness.

The younger generation, meaning the younger couples, are of the impression that holding hands is only for old people. Ok young generation,  I challenge you today to break this myth and get with the program, and start holding that beautiful partner of yours’ hand and be pleasantly surprised.  Become more in touch with your partner.  

My next subject will be Hugging and Kissing

From: The Relationship Watchdog – Willy

When dealing with dating in a relationship there has to be a few issues that must  be sorted out.  Firstly you have to look back and see what are the things in your past that needs some serious attention. (To know more e-mail me personally info@willyconradie.co.za)

When a couple get together in a relationship or marriage, within no time, they settle down into a routine of what job is yours and  what is mine, and boy don’t do it and the other way and partner lets you know.  Willy, why mention this?  Because from here on  the stalemate starts to settle in and slowly it is goodbye to holding hands, kissing and even romance.

In every partnership one of the couple is the one that does most of the caring and the one that almost always says sorry!

Here is a real chapter on Sorry.   

   The Great Escape (SORRY)

he biggest escape route in a relationship is the word “sorry.” Oh how amazing this five letter word has become, and how much arguing it has caused.

What an escape route it has become for partners who find themselves in trouble. “Sorry, sorry, but I said sorry, didn’t you hear or are you deaf?”

Amazing how this word has rescued couples’ hides. How do you argue with that? You cannot and so the whole “sorry” story starts again. The next time they do something wrong, they forget the previous time, and guess what – It is Mr “Sorry” to the rescue.

By now both partners are aware of Mr “Sorry.”

I’ve often thought about this word “sorry” – It’s nice if a partner says sorry, but if a partner repeatedly says sorry and doesn’t work with the problem, then that becomes a problem.

Mr. “Sorry” has been around for many years, long before you and I arrived.

My point is that we have to realize “sorry” is very relevant if the person means it, but if it is used just as an escape route, then that is when the word “sorry” is very dangerous.

Sorry is real when done with conviction and real honest repentance, and not just as a weapon to escape your conscience.

I wrote this article some years ago before I understood personalities the way I do now, and it would be important to tell you that certain personalities find it easier to say sorry than the other.  If you want to know more contact me on my e-mail.

My next blog will deal with ways to Date.

From: The relationship watchdog. WILLY   

Having worked with couples as long as I have, to me there has always been something missing in their relationships.  An example:  you can always see a couple that has just met, and, man there is love in the air. They can’t let go of each other, they are laughing at silly little things and catching the odd kiss in public, oblivious of who is watching, after all they are in love.  

Then, the next move is to move in with each other to which I am totally against, or get married with which I agree.  Come some months or years later and that same couple walks past or you meet them at some place and now there is a totally different scene.  No more holding hands, no more silly giggling love, life has taken on a new meaning.  In most cases one of the faces will show a little disappointment.  What has changed? 

My personal belief is three things:

• Firstly, sex has lost its excitement. (Because sex is NOT a foundation for love, it is an experience or a happening).

• Second, we have started taking each other for granted.

• Thirdly, we have stopped Dating, yes, I said dating or courting or romancing each other.                    

More on dating to follow.

FROM: THE RELATIONSHIP WATCHDOG. WILLY.

The father came home from work as usual. He was tired, grumpy and irritable. Waiting for him was his happy son, who greeted him with a smile.

Immediately the father responded with an angry voice and said “Leave me alone, I’m tired.” Sheepishly the son whispered to his dad, “How much do you earn for one hour at your work?” With a stern voice the dad said “Twenty Rand, now go to your bedroom.” The boy disappeared, only to re-appear a little while later. In a whisper, he asked, “Can you lend me ten Rand please?” “No!” said the father, “Now go to bed.”

 Feeling bad, the father went up to his son’s room, and sat down on the bed. “Here is the ten Rand that you wanted.” The boy sat straight up with a big smile and immediately reached under his pillow and took out change to the value of ten Rand.

When the father saw this he was angry and said, “Why did you want to borrow ten Rand when you already have money?” The little boy said “I only have ten Rand saved, and together with the ten Rand you lent me, I will have twenty Rand. That means I can buy one hour of your time.”

The father was flabbergasted and realized how he had neglected his only son.

 Don’t let this be your experience! This story shows how important family life really is.

 FROM: THE RELATIONSHIP WATCHDOG. REGARDS WILLY.

REMEMBER E-MAIL ME PERSONALLY AT info@willyconradie.co.za.

The more I work with couples in relationships,  the more I realize how important a good relationship is to the community and the country.  The one area that to me is disturbing is how the children are suffering.  Even if the couples don’t split, the children are in deep trouble because of all the fighting and anger between their parents.  Many children, not all, but a big majority don’t know what a happy home is all about, parents don’t communicate they go their separate ways, do there own thing and  very little is done  together as a family.

Now you are saying Willy “What are you talking about,” let me answer this by asking a question “how many children can say their parents speak nicely to each other and how many children can say they always see their parents holding hands and kissing each other hallo and good bye or just a sneaky little kiss every know and then?  How often do they hear their parents laughing together at silly things?  Do they hear their mom and dad saying “thank you” to each other or are they just used to their parents taking each other for granted?  Is there love oozing between them or just anger and disappointment?

NOW MY next question is, what chance have the children of this generation of having a happy and lovable home if they don’t know what a happy  marriage or relationship is all about?  Their perception of a relationship is the one they grew up with.  

Many couples I counsel are having problems and some of the problems are definitely from their memories of what happened in their childhood.

Parents it is vital you get your act together your children are watching!!

My next posting on my blog will be a story of a boy and his dad. (You can contact me directly if you have any questions) on my e-mail info@willyconradie.co.za.

FROM: FROM THE RELATIONSHIP WATCHDOG. REGARDS WILLY

Personality What does it mean to most people and especially couples? not much because every body has there own idea about what their personality is, so they never get to know the truth about themselves, my question is how do you understand the next person, partner, friends, relative’s personality if you don’t understand your own.

If you have a mole in your garden he just appears when and where he likes and what ever time he wants to and plays havoc with your yard and your mind and so does your personality if you don’t understand it will make you mistrust your partners, friends and everybody that does  not have your personality and its temperament.

 Each personality has two temperaments such as the extrovert has Sanguine and Choleric and the Introverts temperaments has Phlegmatic and Melancholy. Which is the last thing that people talk or teach about in the work place, schools and home because, they don’t have a clue what it is about  and yet it is one thing that causes all the trouble. We look at someone that doesn’t have our personality and we can’t understand why they act the way they do and unwittingly a war starts a war we don’t understand.      

From: The relationship Watchdog.

Something that bothers me, and I see it all the time, is the “cooling off” in relationships. Couples are so in love, they get married and everything is wonderful – until they get into their home, work and spare-time routines.

Then they start getting cool towards each other – “Oh, don’t worry we still love each other. I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t.”

This is where I think the problem arises: The love-making was so exciting and thrilling in the beginning. All that long mouth-watering kissing and exciting hugging slowly starts to disappear and then it becomes just plain old sex.

You see, we don’t need or rather, don’t have time for long lovemaking sessions anymore. Just a quickie and that will keep us going for a while.

This is a very interesting subject. I believe that when couples first meet, and either party’s eyes temporarily pop out of their heads, it’s amazing what goes on in their mind. Most of the time it’s “Wow, I’ve never met anybody as amazing as this!”

The introduction is often so sexually orientated, that people build on the sexual for the first while and it is fantastic – Oh boy, never have we been so in love until we’ve tasted of the fruit.

Now finally, here is my point – Because sex plays such a big part in the beginning of a relationship, everybody thinks it is a foundation.

Sex is never a foundation and although it plays a large part in relationships, it is not, and never will be a foundation for long term relationships.

The first thing that goes when there is pressure in a relationship is sex, but if there was good lovemaking involved, it might have stood the test better. What am I trying to say? Well, I believe we have to get back to some real good intimacy and not just sex, but real true intimacy and communication.

I have discovered that one of the true commodities of intimacy is what I call the touch therapy. I like to say that you must be in Contact to stay in Touch.

What I have seen and heard from a lot of couples, is that in the beginning of their relationship, there was a lot of touching and touch contact, holding hands and some nice long hugs, without ending up in bed, but with some nice secure solid feelings.

Unfortunately in some cases, one night in bed and one of the partners gets a little hot. They tell their partner, and the result is they stop sleeping close together. That is when the subconscious touch starts disappearing and that means the couples lose touch.

Have you ever noticed how touchy people really are, and I don’t mean “moody” touchy, but “contact”

touchy?

People, in general, love to touch and be touched and once again, I am not just talking sexually, but just about real good touching the partner you really love and want to be in touch with at all times.

Louis Luyt said in his Autobiography after one of his many stressful meetings: “All the way back to Johannesburg, Adri and I were mostly silent, immersed in our own thoughts, and holding hands as we often do when in need of each other’s strength.”

Another reason couples lose touch is unresolved issues. Even the Good Book says you must not let the sun go down on your anger. When you are angry with your partner and you haven’t dealt with the issue it, will stop you being in touch.

So my advice is, if you have lost the touch therapy, deal with those unresolved issues.

I’m always amazed when I speak to a couple about being in touch or being romantic, the male invariably will say “well, I have never been romantic. Ask my mother or my sister or the people that know me well.”

I say absolute rubbish! And again, rubbish! Every time somebody has told me this, I have spoken to people close to him or her, and each time I hear a different story. I found they were quite romantic. Alternatively, I have seen them divorce, find a new partner – and the “romantic” has forgotten what he said and become quite lovey-dovey. Until he decides he has had enough and starts saying again that he has never been romantic.

from: The relationship Watchdog. WILLY

 P. S. If you want to write to me personally About my blog E- mail me @ info@willyconradie.co.za

One of the ways to balance Work and Home is to put a value system in place. The beholder determines value of partner or family. One has to take a look at oneself and say, “My partner and family are the best in the world. No matter what! Even if I do get mad at them and they get mad with me every now and then. They are still the best things in my life, and I cannot stand to be away from them for any length of time.”

What I am trying to say, is that only you can value what is treasure and precious to you. The more you verbalize your thoughts about your loved ones, the more valuable they become.

Did I not say your family is just as valuable as monetary investments? You appraise those, but have you  noticed how little people boast about partners or families? Its your decision, if you buy a new car every body must see it,and you want to show everybody close to you, have you ever done this for your loved ones, Boast about your partner and see new meaning in your love life and famly.

THE: THE  RELATIONSHIP -WATCHDOG. WILLY